Tackling Tough Conversations with Laurie

I don’t know anyone that enjoys difficult conversations, do you?  In fact, most people will go far out of their way to avoid them.  Unfortunately, that’s not the answer – not if it’s someone you really need to work with – like your team, patients, physicians, and family… just to name a few.  I wish communication was always easy and everyone would accept what we say in the way it was intended.  It just doesn’t always work that way.  So sometimes, we just try and avoid the people or the problem.

The avoidance strategy doesn’t work.  When was the last time you ignored a tough conversation, and things got better?  Yep.  Just what I thought.  In this article, I am going to share a few tips that may just help during that next tough conversation.

I don’t know what’s more difficult – the tough conversation I was expecting or the one I wasn’t.  Since you can prepare for tough conversations you know are coming, let’s talk about a way to handle the unexpected ones.  Use my friend, LAURIE.  

Where did this come from?

Can you remember the last time someone came up to you, clearly not happy, and they wanted to make that YOUR problem?  They could have been frustrated, angry, or just got up on the wrong side of the bed.  When that happens – stop, take a breath and LISTEN.  Yes, listen.  When someone is all wound up, I believe there is a physical need to let it out!  When you try and stop them by cutting them off or ignoring them, it just adds fuel to the fire.  Make eye contact.  Focus and ACKNOWLEDGE them.  

When you listen, really listen.  Try to hear and understand what they are saying from their perspective.  Show them you UNDERSTAND what they are communicating.  One way to do this is to try and REPHRASE what you think you heard them say and respond with something like, “It sounds like you are saying…..xxxxxx…  Do I have that right?”. The ability to rephrase and gain confirmation that what you heard is what they said goes a long way to taking out some of the steam.  (Listening is not the same thing as agreeing.)

Next, IDENTIFY what they are looking for you to do.  It is one of two things. Do something/fix it or Just Listen.  If you try and fix it too soon by stopping them to propose a solution before they have finished sharing, it merely adds gas to the fire.  Remember the last time you wanted to vent and were shut down?  It can be infuriating!   Letting them get what they want to say off their chest can go a long way to diffusing the negative energy.  What role do they want you to play for them?

 Once you have ‘heard’ them, and they know it (because you were able to rephrase it and gain confirmation), then you can determine the right next steps.  Engage. Now is the time to transition from the problem to problem-solving.

Listen.

Acknowledge.

Understand.

Rephrase.

Identify.

Engage. 

LAURIE.

She’s there.  Call on her when you need her to handle those tough conversations.